Making Fiends

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There’s a thin line between a friend and a fiend.

Fiends are however, are just as easily made as friends. Actually its easier to make fiends I think. Have you ever wondered what is it that you have to do to create one?

First, you stop spending time with your friends. You can use excuses like, I was busy, or the kids are involved in too many things, something of that nature. This usually doesn’t always work and you end up with them calling you incessantly and trying to work around your schedule.

If you cant avoid them, go out with them but be boring. Step number two is Be Boring. Don’t participate in anything past conversation. If they want to go bowling, go, but don’t play. Refuse to wear the shoes. Or if they want to talk, just use your smart phone a lot.

Step three: Never initiate a suggestion for something fun to do. If they continue to pester you, just keep insisting that they do what you want. Pick movies that cause a division in the group. Pick movies that you know not everyone in the group will want to see. Then insist. If you really want to make a point, insist on picking a really weird or controversial restaurant too. (Inside trick, if they have children, pick a restaurant that is not kid friendly. This really annoys parents.)

Step four: Never remember anyone’s birthday or special occasion dates. (For some of us this comes naturally with age). But with the advent of social tools such as facebook and Microsoft calendars, etc, this is much more difficult. However, if you can pull it off despite the current technological tools available, making fiends will be easier than you might imagine.

Never ask how the other person is “feeling.” Instead, insist on talking only about your irritable bowel, or some other equally repulsive or boring topic. Again, take a hint from facebook. Think of it as posting only your complaints and or what you had for snack. Step five: Be selfish.

Step Seven: Don’t let them “count” on you. Don’t listen to what they tell you, unless of course it is told to you in confidence, then listen well and repeat it to everyone else. This works very well if you use this tool wisely. A cleverly placed confidential matter can cause many a friend to turn more fiendly. Fiends don’t value trustworthiness and in fact could care less about being reliable either.

Lastly, Step six: use reverse psychology. Keeping the steps above in mind, once your wannabe friend starts to turn fiendly, chase em down with kindness. Be clingy, be talkative, pursue, pursue, pursue! Nothing works better at attracting fiends than repulsing friends!!

Yes there is a thin line between friend and fiend and its an ‘our’!

Thanks for being my fRiends.

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About Caro

I am a social worker by training and a peace officer by profession having worked with California’s delinquent youth and young adults for 28 years. I firmly believe that our development as humans depends on our environment and that sometimes we get stuck. As such, I write about those things we sometimes ignore or fail to see until we are forced to pay attention.
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