Driving at Night

bmw-driving-at-night1-autonan.com “Good morning!” he said, “You’re wearing your sling.  That’s good. Well, I’ve reviewed your film and it looks like the fractured bone hasn’t moved.”

My heart leaped for joy and I asked him about physical therapy to make my broken shoulder better.

He looked at me with concern and said, “This is a slow process, like watching grass grow.”

I figured he was going to say that I would have to wait another couple weeks to start my therapy.

“You’ll need another set of x-rays and I want to see you back in 4 weeks.”

My heart dropped.

“Is the pain better?  Well, your muscles are starting to stiffen up, but for now that’s not my concern. You can’t risk having that tendon pull that bone away.  If it does, we are at square one, and into surgery.”

Every word he said drew a tear from my eyes.

“You can’t run. You can walk if you wear the sling. I don’t want that arm moving at all. You probably won’t have enough time to prepare for the marathon. This can take anywhere from 6-12 months of recovery.  We can talk about therapy in another 6 weeks. Do you need another tissue?”

I stood to leave and thanked him. “I’ll see you in a month,” I said.

I sat in the car and sobbed for a while.  Then I drove to the Running Shoe Store to advise my coaches I could no longer participate…this year.

Then I went to a movie…Woody Allen’s Magic in the Moonlight. And the only words I remember hearing were, “All my optimism has been an illusion.”

It’s like driving a car at night.  You never see further than your head lights, but you can make the whole trip that way. (EL Doctorow)

I’ll just keep driving.

Thanks for being my friends.




About Caro

I am a social worker by training and a peace officer by profession having worked with California’s delinquent youth and young adults for 28 years. I firmly believe that our development as humans depends on our environment and that sometimes we get stuck. As such, I write about those things we sometimes ignore or fail to see until we are forced to pay attention.
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