You Can Call Me Nocih.

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Dear friends….

A few weeks ago my daughter called to let me know that she is pregnant.

She is a 22 year old, college graduate with a quick wit and a loving heart. She is living out of state and for the moment plans to stay there. As pregnancies sometimes go this was not planned and while not expected, is still a joyful event to be savored and anticipated with love and affection. Being so far away from her is the hardest part of this for me.

Her life and ours changed in an instant.

For weeks I didn’t talk about it to anyone outside of my immediate family. I simply didn’t want to answer questions to which there are still no answers. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how this will work itself out. I don’t know where she will live. I don’t know the future.

One day she unexpectedly posted her news on social media. Her reasoning is hers alone and since its her news, she can tell it as she wishes.

Her friends and family wished her well in that innocuous and sometimes counter intuitive fashion of “liking” the post. Those who commented sent her love, and offers of encouragement. Family offered assistance and love.

A few people sent me messages “offline” and visible only to me. One message in particular stood out.

The message read in part, “Hey, do you need a shotgun?!” The note then offered prayers and the notion that “children never cease to challenge us to be our best.”

And that is true. Our children and those of others whom we come across should always challenge us to be our best. As adults we should always be sensitive to the needs of others, especially children. As adults we should value our charges, biological or otherwise, as gifts from God to cherish and grow into self confident and caring adults. It is only in this manner that our society and continue to evolve into one of compassion, freedom and enlightenment.

Sometimes I struggle as do many, to choose my words wisely. While I wish everyone did the same, I know that once you hit that button, or utter the words, you just cant get them back no matter how badly you wish you could. Offering me a shotgun is not funny, and well, it is just so insensitive. Judging people is what has this world in the mess we are in now.

My daughter is not a damaged piece of property that has to be forced on another human in a “you broke it, you buy it” mentality. The days of shaming an unwed pregnancy are over. While this is no the way we saw her life going, it is here and we accept it.

To the contrary, her decision to accept her responsibility should be commended at the least. And in discussing her, we should all be careful of any potential ricocheting of the rocks we sling, lest we someday shatter our own houses.

Now more importantly, you also hear by noticed that I will not be called grandmother. So all you jokers get that out of your heads now.

I have been searching for the perfect name, one that means grandmother, and yet is unique for me. There is nona, nani, grammy, abuelita, lita, abuela, mama, mamagrande, etc. etc.

Many, many years ago, I was made to feel embarrassed and angry because my teachers would only call me Carol. When I went off to college I changed that forever by asking people to call me Caro, and pronounce it correctly. It became my adult identity among those I call my friends. Now I have to adjust to a new title, as a grandparent.

In the Aztec (Nahua) people’s language, Nahuatl, the word for grandmother is “cihtli,” pronounced seet-lee. To make it possessive, that is, “my grandmother,” you change the word by adding the word, NO (my) and dropping off the suffix, TLI, resulting in the word Nocih. My belief is that a baby can say the latter much earlier than it can say the former.

So I have decided that my term of endearment from my grandchild will be Nocih Caro. But you can call me Nocih.

As soon as I can, I shall start practicing the whispers to the belly and he (or she) will soon be accustomed to the name.

To my daughter, I love you both.

Now say it with me…..Nocih.

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About Caro

I am a social worker by training and a peace officer by profession having worked with California’s delinquent youth and young adults for 28 years. I firmly believe that our development as humans depends on our environment and that sometimes we get stuck. As such, I write about those things we sometimes ignore or fail to see until we are forced to pay attention.
This entry was posted in Bravery, Challenge, Courage, Daughters, Family Life, Love, Mother, Parenting, Transitions and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to You Can Call Me Nocih.

  1. katmulkey says:

    I’m thinking lovingly about the precious gift that will come into the world in 2015, knowing that the baby will have a caring family, an awesome Nocih Caro.
    As you may remember, my Erica was a happy surprise (I was 23 and unmarried when I got pregnant) that I was blessed with especially since–as it turned out–I was physically unable to have any more full pregnancies. I can’t imagine how the last 34 years would have been without her, without the greatest gift I ever received. Ben feels the same.
    As you have discovered, there is throwback thinking, even in 2014. When my friend Kim found out her daughter was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, I could tell she was framing her thoughts and fears in a black box of negativity. I did my best to talk her out of that box, that thinking, which originates from stupid old world, body/sex-shaming, female-demeaning cultures that I have zero respect for. I said, “Kim, this baby is going to happen. Your only choice is how you view it. You can be angry, fearful and controlling, or you can think joyfully about this precious new life coming inexorably along. This innocent babe–this blessing who will be your grandchild–did not chose to be born, so enjoy him, don’t punish him for existing!”
    I may have helped her reframe. In any case, she is crazy about him now, he’s a cute and very active 3-year old!
    Joyfully, and with love.
    kat

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Denise Pena says:

    You are a great mom you will be an even better Noich!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Denise says:

    Love the name. I believe this baby is so blessed to have you as Noich Caro.

    Liked by 1 person

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