I think I have an unhealthy relationship with time. Ok, all you who know me even a little bit are ROTFLYAO… What evs!
I need to streamline my use and misuse of time. This December 31 I decided to address the issue head-on. Sorta. I have once again been tossed into a world that needs to run like well-matched gears. Sometimes I am the driver, and sometimes I am driven. In either case, I am required to keep moving.
So, you already know that this is not my first attempt at controlling time. Over the years I’ve colored coded calendars, used strategically placed post-it notes, set reminders on my phone, used cross-referenced paper calendars, asked for my friends and family to help me out. For the most part, I’ve been successful in staying in the game, carrying the ball as far as I can and if I do drop it doing a high diving belly flop onto the ball to contain the damage.
What is it about time that is so tricky? Ok, tricky for me?
Time has no beginning and no end. It is like trying to hold water. Where does it start? Where are its boundaries?
My time started when my DNA was first arranged in a very particular manner and life sparked me into being. Or did it? My ancestors are in me, my grandchild and his grandchildren are part of me.
I was privileged to visit a friend who is ill. She is a little older so her visitors ranged from friends to two and three generations of family. Her grandchildren whom I’ve known all their lives are grown and independent. My friend’s bloodline is in them. We marveled at how fast time passes.
But in a way, time stands still too. It stands still when something focuses us into complete and utter attention. Time stands still when we are so present in the moment that we literally forget about anything before and anything after that “moment.”
Many people know this. Many people who are in a way time continuum managers know this. Who are these people? They are the people who manage the important things in life. Well, at least the things that most people think are important. New life, end of life, and crisis managers tend to understand how certain events stop time and literally change its trajectory.
Its as if certain events change our very DNA. We become different people. We become the “after” people. We tend to believe, “I was this way until this happened. Now I am this way.”
We can’t help it either. We are moved into the ‘after’ whether we like it or not. The degree to which our life is changed depends on not the severity of the impact of the event, but how we react to it. It depends on how well we are able to keep ourselves moving through time on a moment by moment basis.
If we don’t move forward away from the moment we may get stuck. Even good events can make us get stuck. I’ll let you mull over that a little.
But even though we are stuck, time continues to flow. As long as we are alive, time and our DNA continues to flow. And we will not take notice of it until something shocks into paying attention.
So I decided that I need to pay more attention to the everyday things in life instead of only those things that require me to do so. I know, it’s trite for me to declare that I’m going to pay more attention to time, but I think that this time its real.
Coincidentally, I was just interrupted by a phone call. My physical therapist will not be able to see me tomorrow as scheduled. Normally I would say, that’s fine, I’ll wait until the next scheduled visit. Nope, not this time. This time I requested to see another therapist for the time being. I don’t want to let a week worth of recovery opportunity get past me.
I am going to relish each moment, whether I am alone, with others, bored, or busy. There isn’t enough time floating around me for me to just float through it. I can’t take a chance of allowing a change in trajectory to snap me into attention.
I want to be in the moment and value every second because things change and I don’t want to regret the moments that are gone.